Weird title, I think. But it seemed to me obvious that “strength” takes place in it. Nothing goes as we expect that it will be. Disappointment is something that I am familiar with, somehow, in love. Some of you appreciated my last article, and I don’t regret my words but since that, disappointment came upon it. God I would like to erase it in order to give some logic to my life and my text, but life is surprising. In an “up and down” way.
However, I refuse to let myself drowning. You already know it, I am optimistic. It’s tough to remain optimistic in love. Specially when it’s soooo complicated !
However, it’s also easy to tell about positive things : feeling good, acting in a good way, being a good person… All of this is easy to relate. It is easier to congratulate an ego and admiting its fault. Few weeks ago, I felt pride and good to have helped a woman in the metro. Nothing heroic, just civil act of helping someone else. I felt good because I did not follow the easy way which is following the crowd, taking the metro, going down to my usual station, going back home and closing the door behind me. I was proud to do not let the routine crashing me in my individual way of life. Again, proud to have taken a minute to stop my steps and looking back for someone else than my ego who wanted to watch the last episode of Homeland or Mad Men. I was happy because it was me.
How bad is that ? Not that I think it’s bad to be proud of some acts that we do sometimes, some way of action which surprises ourself; but it would have worth it if it was not exceptionnal. Few days after, I spent a bad day after hearing a bad news, I came back home and a woman who needed help in the stairs of the metro was there. I skipped this woman. No matter how hard it is to write it, no matter how I turned back for helping her afterward, no matter how much I realized my mistake… I had been selfish and did what I was scared about. Following the routine, finding an excuse of “I don’t feel well”.
Same for this poor fellow that I saw in my metro just after that, I did not give even a food coupon because “if I give to every poor people I see, I will be myself poor”. Another excuse.
When I came back home for relaxing… I could not. I felt bad. So bad face to the truth of my actions. I was not different.
Then I thought “I will do better tomorow”. Isn’t it what it is about ? Being a better person, isn’t it trying everyday ? Learning of our failures and pursuing our goal ? Feeling so involved that we have this will to change ? I think so. I don’t say it excuses everything, but I sincerely believe that trying harder, instead of being stuck on “I am a bad person”, is what make us better.
‘Cause being better, it is also reflecting on ourself afterward. No ?
What do you think ?